What Is This Thing Called Love
Love. There must be something captivating about it. There must be something fun about it. There must be something confusing about it. Artists never get tired of writing about it, endless singers have belted out some lyrics about it. From Endless Love by Diana Ross to I’m All Out of Love by Air Supply. The list is endless. Let’s explore the 8 different types of love as studied and defined by the Greeks.
Passionate Eros: Romantic Love otherwise known as Eros is the type of intense and passionate love that evokes strong romantic feelings. It is often accompanied by strong physical attraction and desire. A good example of this is when people experience strong feelings and what they describe as Love at First Sight. For these types of lovers or couples it feels that someone just took their breath away and they have constant butterflies in their stomachs. Couples report feeling this way when they “fall in love”. Often, these romances are short lived. They don’t often make it to the commitment stage.
Instinct: Physical Body
Philia, also known as Affectionate Love. Philia is the type of love which is based on a strong friendship and feeling strongly in sync and connected with someone. These types of couples share a lot of common interests and values. There is a lot of trust, complicity and mutual respect in these types of relationships. Couples in these types of relationships have a strong sense of loyalty and respect for their partner. There is a high level of commitment towards their partner and a high level of compatibility.
Instinct: The Mind
Storge is Family Love: This is the type of love one feels for family members. For example, parents towards their children, childhood friends that may have grown up in the same neighborhood towards one another. This type of love is very unconditional and nurturing.
Instinct: Memories
Altruistic Agape: This is unconditional love. Agape operates on a higher dimension and on a spiritual level. It can feel divine or inspired by a mysterious force. There are qualities of altruism and selflessness in this type of love. There is a lot of empathy, sacrifice for the well-being of others in this type of love. It is universal love and love for all humanity.
Instinct: Spirit
Instinct: Spirit
Ludus is often expressed in the initial stages of a romantic relationship. There is a lot of flirtation and playfulness present. It is quite the opposite of intense and is more playful. There is a lot of fun, and it is characterized by a lighthearted connection. This is often casual and not too serious or intense.
Instinct: Emotion
Pragma is an enduring love developed over time between long term partners. This involves patience and takes work and effort to make the relationship work. There is a deep commitment in this type of relationship. There is also a high level of compatibility on shared goals and values. Couples in this type of relationship are determined to make things work and put a lot of effort into understanding their partners and finding solutions when they hit a bump in the road or hit a plateau.
Instinct: The Subconscious
Philautia is a form of self-love. It is not narcissistic and toxic. Au contraire, it is a form of healthy self-love which involves taking care of oneself and acknowledging one’s worth. This form of self-love needs a balance between taking care of one’s own needs and the needs of others.
Instinct: Soul
Now that we have explored the 8 different types of love as studied by the Greeks, do you recognize your style in any of the different types and what instinct you are ruled by? Do you relate with your partner as a meeting of the minds or are you in sync with them at the level of spirit. When your survival instincts start to kick in and jealousy and obsessiveness start to rear their ugly heads, is it time to add some light heartedness to your relationship as inspired by Ludus and the ease of emotions.
If you are experiencing stress and conflict in your relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out for couples counseling and therapy. Your relationship will thank you for it.
